You say that now you are balanced on the inside,
you are waiting for things to drop into balance on the outside.
“Seek ye first the Kingdom of Gad and all else is added on to you” - sort
of thing.
Consider: What you (your neurosis) is really saying is: I want what I want.
Same old story.
Take a look; has there ever been a time when you have not wanted something?
Picture those little chicks in the nest when the parent bird comes with a
worm: beaks open, squeaking as loud as they can, pushing each other out of the
way: 'give me, give me, give me.’
A matter of life and death is how the neurosis sees it.
And even when you get it - apart from a brief instant,
does it bring the happiness you imagined?
So you are wanting what you want. Of course.
And balance will bring you what you need.
(Always does anyway.)
And your neurosis has no idea what that is. None.
You have poured huge amounts of time, energy and money into that project,
and has it ever been fully filling? And now you want to put in even more!
Suggestion:
Stop, look, feel. What wants to happen. If everything goes, then? - relief?
What is the worst that can happen - and how would you think you would
feel. Relief?
That is the theory behind the technique of Guru and disciple.
The guru (and Jesus) says to give away all your money,
(most of the modern gurus say to give the money to them!)
drop your old name and take a new one, give away all your clothes and
possessions, and just wear a simple robe.
Totally disconnect from the past and live as simply as possible.
(No need to surrender to a guru to do that.)
Kabir: “When the mind decides to let go of the mind, it always holds on to
one thing. Ah - That One Thing."
"Unless you die and be reborn "...dying to everything in every way.
Allow - and what you need will be there.
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